Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Randomize
