So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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