ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
