Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
