I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
How drunk are you?
Completed.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize