At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
