Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
