She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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