every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
that's an acceptable place to lick
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My dick has a subreddit
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
