where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Randomize
