after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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