If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
