Sry I called you an 8
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
