His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize