After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
