I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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