she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
