Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
