I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
