the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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