Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
