so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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