I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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