It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
