How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
