Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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