The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
