Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
