I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
