I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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