I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
