And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
