And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
