I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
