My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
