You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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