I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
