I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
