also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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