I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
