he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
