you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
