so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
