we have pet lesbian snakes
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
