So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
