Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
