Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
