she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
