Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
