why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
