im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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