i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
