i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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