turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
