I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
