She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
