I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
