It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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