my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
