I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
