If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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