Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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