I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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