So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
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I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
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We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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