it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
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dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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