forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
