Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
