Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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