dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
