You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
