I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
