I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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