My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
