the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
