i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
