no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
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